Easy Litmus Tests to Help You Identify Truly Valuable People
Chai with Ghai
Hello all, welcome to the 6th edition!
Recently, I reflected on the people I value in my life and questioned the reasons behind these feelings. I'm not sure about you, but my approach to evaluating someone's importance has been pretty random, relying mostly on gut feelings.
However, over the last few months, I've started to more consciously consider what qualities make someone valuable to me. It seems unfair to place people who strongly align with my value system on the same level as those who don't.
Below, I've outlined some key factors I consider when determining someone's value in my life. If someone checks all these boxes, they are truly invaluable.
Check I - Homogenous Behavior
One major turn-off for me is when someone acts like a completely different person around others compared to when they're alone with me. This inconsistency is a definite red flag. In the past, if someone seemed super close to me in private but then acted almost like a stranger at a "cool" party, I'd make excuses for them. I'd think, "They're just drunk," or "It's okay, they do have my back."
But the more I reflect on it, consistency in behavior regarding our friendship level is crucial. Someone who fluctuates in how they treat you, especially in social settings, is probably not as reliable as you'd hope when it comes to having your back in scenarios involving other people.
Check II - Only Bad-Time Friend?
You must have heard this old saying:
“A real friend is there with you not only in your good times but also in your bad times”
I agree with this, but I've also developed a new perspective that I believe is even more insightful:
"A real friend is there with you not only in their bad times but also in their good times"
It's relatively easy for someone to display the qualities of a good friend when they're in a tough spot or need—whether they're feeling lonely, need your skills or connections, or want access to something you have. In those moments, anyone can seem like a true friend.
But, I've begun to assess people based on how they interact with me when everything in their life is smooth sailing. Previously, I'd go out of my way to help anyone I considered a friend or even a friend of a friend. Now, I REFUSE to give my time to those who forget about me when they need nothing or when everything in their life is well.
Check III - The “Unacknowledgers”
After thinking hard about this, I believe one can only be truly valuable when they are willing to discuss and help you process any situation or problem. I know many people who have helped me through certain situations but refuse to even acknowledge the existence of certain other situations.
This does not sit well with me.
If you agree with my opinion on the situation, ACKNOWLEDGE its existence and support me.
If you disagree with me, ACKNOWLEDGE its existence and let me know why (because I often wonder whether my judgment might be flawed).
If you prefer to be neutral, ACKNOWLEDGE its existence and be neutral.
But, do not pretend that situation does not exist!
Check IV - Inconvenience Tolerance Threshold
This revisits the inconvenience spectrum theory I’ve discussed in a previous post.
If you missed it, the theory evaluates the strength of a relationship by gauging how much inconvenience both parties are willing to endure for each other's sake. I apply the same logic to determine someone's value in my life. The more inconvenience someone is willing to bear for me, the more valuable they become to me.
Essentially, if someone's willingness to tolerate inconvenience for me falls below a minimal threshold, I view them as less important in my life compared to those who exceed that threshold.
To Summarize
Documenting these four criteria has significantly simplified how I evaluate someone's importance in my life. It's crucial to understand that not passing all checks doesn't mean a person adds no value. They still can and should be valuable. But, individuals who meet all four criteria are rare and, as a result, should hold higher value than those who do not.
Indeed, this is why many people consider their family to be invaluable. Families tend to act consistently, share their joyful moments, acknowledge any and every situation, and endure high levels of inconvenience for us.
Therefore, an unrelated individual who embodies all four qualities should be deemed precious, as they offer the same support, commitment, and values as family, despite lacking a biological connection.
Do the People You Consider Valuable Pass This Test?
Share this with others who may enjoy learning about this method of identifying high-value people.
Weekly Health Hack - Watch out for this “White Lie”
Let's kick off this week's health hack with a poll: Which of the two options do you think contains more calories?
Believe it or not, a Caesar salad packs more calories than a McChicken!
This week’s tip is simple: Avoid highly-caloric dressings at all costs, especially the white and creamy ones.
A common belief is that eating salads is good for weight loss. Whenever I go out to eat, people often assume I'll order a salad because I'm very diet-conscious. However, the truth is that most salads I see on menus are laden with high-calorie dressings—packed with sugar, fats, and oils—that will never leave you feeling full. I’d much prefer eating a burger over a salad because, though both might be considered unhealthy, at least the burger would fill me up.
Some of the worst sauces/dressings include:
Ranch
Caesar
Ketchup
Mayonnaise
Most Subway dressings, and Chick-fil-A's magic sauce
Instead, try opting for dressings with low added sugar and sodium, such as vinaigrettes. I also love using Greek yogurt as a base to make my dressings.
If you’re interested in learning more about healthier dressing options, feel free to reach out, and I can direct you to some resources!
Weekly Non-Stereotypical Song Recommendation
During my time this week in London, I was grabbing lunch at a spot where Harry Styles happened to be sitting at the next table! It only feels apt that I share one of his lesser-known tracks as this week’s recommendation.
Slide into my DMs if you want the name of the restaurant!
Thank You For Reading!
If you've enjoyed reading this, please subscribe and share with friends who might, too. See you all next week!
I'd love to hear your thoughts, health tips, song recommendations, or anything at all.
Reach out to me!
Email: kanavghai130@gmail.com
All factors are bang on!
What has also helped me identify the alignment in my friendships is: How does the other person step up when I'm not able to bring to the connection what I normally being?
It goes with the thought that no relationship is 50-50. It's sometimes 70-30 and sometimes 5-95. Making the choice to build, navigate and sustain the friendship in every combination really really stands out.