Week 9/25: Master Your Emotions
A Three-Step Approach to Controlled Emotional Responses
Attention chai drinkers! I've been brewing many ideas to share with all of you, and now that we've completed one-third of our journey, the upcoming weeks promise to be even more exciting.
Continued Comparisons
In last week’s edition, I drew a comparison between the mindset of my high-school self and the current 25-year-old man-child writing this post.
This week, I want to explore another significant difference between my past and present selves: their ability to control emotions. Fortunately, the current me has developed a much better grasp on managing emotions compared to the younger, more reactionary Kanav. Luckily for you guys, I'm going to share the learning that helped me gain this control!
Control Your Judgement, Not Emotions
Initially, whenever I heard the word “Stoic,” I thought of Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders, Batman, and Michael Corleone from The Godfather —characters known for not showing much emotion while playing the main roles in their stories. I was inspired by their ability to suppress emotions and even tried to emulate them. However, as you can guess, that approach doesn’t really work because, as humans, we can only suppress emotions for so long.
Things started to change when I realized that being "Stoic" doesn't actually mean suppressing emotions but accepting them. While I previously thought emotion was the singular response to a situation, I learned that it is actually the last of three stages of response to a situation.
According to Stoicism, the three response stages are1:
First Response (Initial Emotion) → This is our instinctive emotional reaction to a situation.
Judgement → This involves our assessment of the situation, where we evaluate the intensity and implications.
Final Emotion → This is our refined emotional response after we've processed the situation and our initial reactions.
While initially, I used to try and gain control over the first and third stages, I realized that the key actually lies in managing the second stage—Judgment.
As humans, the first response is almost unavoidable:
If someone lets you down, it’s natural to initially feel disappointed.
If you lose a competition, it’s normal to initially feel like you’re not good enough.
However, what many of us do is we jump straight from Stage I to Stage III, skipping stage II and making our initial emotion also our final emotion:
By this time, our emotions have already taken over and controlling them becomes difficult. Therefore, it's crucial to not skip and focus on calming down during the Judgment stage. This will automatically help us gain control over our final emotional response.
Let’s understand this with an example:
I used to be an anxious traveler—I would arrive at the airport early, constantly check if my passport was secure, and not relax until I was seated on the plane. Before a trip, I would try to convince myself not to feel anxious and to have so-called "control." That never worked. What did work was when I controlled my judgment, not my emotions:
Using this framework, I acknowledged my initial anxiety but then questioned whether it was appropriate. Gradually, I adjusted my judgment and realized that missing flights or losing my passport wouldn’t mean the end of the world. Once this realization set in, my adrenaline levels moderated, and automatically, my final emotion became less anxious.
To Summarize
Emotion is the third and final stage of a situational response.
Do not blame yourself if you cannot control the initial response to a situation, as it is often beyond our control. For example, feeling angry when betrayed or sad upon failing an exam is completely normal.
We struggle to control our emotions because we often skip stage II.
The key is to carefully assess our "judgment" (Stage II), ensuring that our “final emotion” (Stage III) is not merely a reaction but a reasoned response.
Weekly Health Hack - My Pre-Workout Meal Rule
By now, you may have noticed that a common diet tip is to reduce carbohydrate intake and focus more on getting adequate amounts of protein. In case you missed it, I also outlined what a balanced plate should look like in one of my previous health hacks.
However, the truth is that carbohydrates are a vital source of quick energy for the body. Therefore, I do consume them, but only when my body needs them the most.
The Rule
"Eat at least as many grams of carbohydrates before your workout as your body weight in kilograms."
So, if my current body weight is 80 kg, I aim to consume at least 80 grams of carbohydrates before my workout. I adopted this approach while trying to wean off caffeine, as I noticed a drop in my energy levels during workouts. Implementing this rule has significantly boosted my energy during exercise.
A few things to note:
This doesn't mean you can't have a good workout without following this rule, but it is a strategy that has enhanced my energy levels during workouts.
If you decide to follow this rule, ensure that your other meals are higher in protein and healthy fats to maintain a balanced diet.
Weekly Non-Stereotypical Song Recommendation
Thank You for Reading!
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I'd love to hear from you — thoughts, health tips, song recommendations, or anything at all.
Reach out to me!
~ Email: kanavghai130@gmail.com
Full explanation of these three responses can be found in this article from Philosophy Break - an extensive resource for learning all things Philosophy.