Week 11/25: The Virtue Dilemma
Chai with Ghai
Welcome back, chai drinkers! Are you ready to try this week’s chai blend?
Disclaimer: This week’s edition is very pseudo-intellectual. Think “Finer Things Club” in The Office. If you are Jim or Andy, you will not enjoy this chai :(
Have you ever met someone whose identity and character impress you so much that you instantly think, "I wish I could be like that"?
This past week, I was reading a New York Times article ("The Moral Bucket List") by David Brooks. In it, Brooks discusses how he still feels a lack of depth in his character despite his successful career. He introduces the concept of two types of virtues:
Résumé Virtues: These are the virtues typically seen on a résumé, such as a high GPA, job titles, and technical skillset.
Eulogy Virtues: These are the virtues or qualities that people are likely to mention during one’s eulogy.
“The stumbler doesn’t build her life by being better than others, but by being better than she used to be. Unexpectedly, there are transcendent moments of deep tranquillity. For most of their lives, their inner and outer ambitions are strong and in balance. But eventually, at moments of rare joy, career ambitions pause, the ego rests, the stumbler looks out at a picnic or dinner or a valley and is overwhelmed by a feeling of limitless gratitude, and an acceptance of the fact that life has treated her much better than she deserves.”
The value of these virtues has been playing on my mind for some time. After deep thought, while sipping my chai and staring into nothingness, pretending to be Thomas Shelby, these are the conclusions I have come to:
We Are Willing To Overlook Our Eulogy Virtues
A trend as we grow older is to overlook our eulogy virtues in favor of advancing our résumé ones. For instance, the younger me used to be overly empathetic. If something bad happened to someone (losing a competition, breakups, etc.), I would feel sad and miserable. However, as I’ve grown older, I only allow myself to empathize for a short period before quickly reminding myself that I have my life and career to focus on.
I've noticed this with others as well: as we grow older, the number of people sympathizing with us remains high, but the number of people who truly empathize becomes quite low.
Some other examples include:
Not being honest at all times because it would be naive, even though you were taught growing up that honesty is the best policy.
Overworking employees for better profits, even though your virtues may think it’s not right to do so.
Being more selfish and choosing your interests over a friend's when they need you.
These are all examples of how one's eulogy virtues may change. Conversely, it is very uncommon for the opposite to happen. Rarely do we let our eulogy virtues shape our résumé virtues:
You may read about how Elon Musk brutally fired his staff (an action that might conflict with our eulogy virtues), but very few would pass up an offer to work with him.
Your cultural values might align better with one company, but if another company offers better career advancement and higher pay, you would likely choose the latter.
You may dislike a person's values, but if they can help you reach your next career goal, you might be willing to overlook or tolerate that to improve your résumé virtues.
One-Sided Trespassing
Thinking back on past discussions, I’ve realized it’s quite common for résumé virtues to trespass on eulogy virtue territory. During conversations about assessing people, it's very common to hear, “I thought he was cool; he’s also working at xxx and attended xxx.” A simple value discussion is often encroached upon by résumé virtues.
However, it's very uncommon for the opposite to happen. How many times, while seeing someone’s résumé or reading about a successful entrepreneur, have we wondered, “But how are they as a person? Do they have any eulogy virtues I value?” Unsurprisingly, as we grow old, our résumé “interests” section tends to become smaller.
The Dilemma
While discussing the two conflicting virtues in his Ted Talk, Brooks emphasizes that eulogy virtues are more important, as most of you may agree.
Why then, do we spend more time thinking about our résumé virtues?
Direct vs. Indirect Benefit
Résumé virtues seem to have a direct impact on our lives. Better education, better jobs, and better qualifications all lead to better pay, more respect, and hopefully more success. Eulogy virtues, however, seem to have indirect and intangible benefits.
We can strongly believe in helping others and giving donations, but do we know whether it will pay off? Will we be happier ten years down the line with less money and more charity to show for it?
Being dependable is good, but would we be happy ten years down the line having spent more time supporting others than advancing our careers?
People Against Our Eulogy Virtues Seem To Be Doing Better
Another reason we focus on our résumé virtues is that it seems logical to devalue our eulogy ones at times. This is because people with worse virtues often seem to get away:
We are often told about karma growing up, but people with worse actions seem to be doing better.
Our virtues tell us to be helpful but not everyone we help helps us back.
People who sometimes use manipulation and deceit to get ahead, seem to secure powerful positions and influence.
Concluding Remarks
Usually, I am good at picking which side I relate more to. But with this debate, I am still unsure.
I am not wondering whether I am prioritizing the right virtues; rather, I am still trying to understand what "right" in this case is.
Which ones do you think are more important?
Weekly Health Hack - Primary Protein Source Rule
If you are struggling to increase your protein intake, double-check whether your food is truly a primary protein source.
While many foods contain some amount of protein, I use the following definition:
“A food is a primary protein source if its protein content is higher than its carbohydrate and fat content.”
Supplemental Protein Sources
While lentils (dal), chickpeas, cheese (paneer), and nut butters have decent amounts of protein, using them as your primary protein source will most likely lead to a caloric surplus and weight gain. This is because they are higher in fats/carbs, and pack in more calories.
For instance, paneer may seem like a better protein source at first glance, but it comes with more calories and fats. On the other hand, tofu is a primary protein source since its highest nutrient is protein. But because I still love the taste of paneer, I use it as a supplementary protein source, despite it having more fat than protein.
Next time you are looking for protein foods for weight loss, make sure to double-check the carbohydrate and fat content as well. If either is higher than the protein content, the food is probably high-calorie and avoidable.
Weekly Non-Stereotypical Song Recommendation
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~ Email: kanavghai130@gmail.com